Recent events around the world have brought some of our anxieties and fragility into focus quite a bit. We are all coping with change in one way or another and some of us sadly are coping with loss: loss of a loved one, of a job, a home, a relationship or a sense of direction or purpose.

Loss and change are inevitable parts of the human experience and we will all be coping with them at some point. The question is how.

One way is to find a different relationship with your present reality. That may sound like hippie psychobabble but think about it. When these things happen, do you ask ‘why is this happening to me?’ Do you ignore your feelings and get on with life as if nothing was happening? Do you find yourself putting off dealing with the practical side of loss or change?

These are common reactions because it is a built-in mechanism for us. From childhood we prefer to stay in nappies rather than use the potty or stay at home rather than go to our new school. It can be tricky to deal with this response until we recognise it in ourselves and accept those painful feelings with kindness.

Being mindful of loss or change does not mean the bad feelings are any less painful. It means that we acknowledge them and give ourselves a break for feeling bad. We then use the opportunity to grow from them. It is like changing our relationship with reality so that instead of saying ‘why has this happened to me’, we eventually ask ‘why has this happened for me’. Painful as it is, it is a learning and growing opportunity. And since we can’t go around reality, sooner or later, we have to go through it.

The Japanese art of kintsugi uses broken pottery, putting it back together with a lacquer mixed with gold. The effect is very beautiful, not to say poignant. When we arrive at the understanding that loss or change are opportunities for growth, it is the start of putting disjointed pieces of life back together but with gold to make something beautiful. You can still see where the pot was broken but it has a new reality now and painful as it was, that reality is stronger and more beautiful than before.

Hypnosis is not a magic wand that makes our discomfort disappear but it does allow us to speak directly to the subconscious mind to start accepting the broken bits of our reality and to start repairing them – with gold.